John Dies At The End (2012)

Directed by Don Coscarelli
Run time: 99 minutes

This movie came about because of a love of the Phantasm movie franchise and a love of zombie novels. David Wong (real name Jason Pargin ) is the author of John Dies at the End and a massive fan of the Phantasm movies. According to the forward Don Coscarelli wrote for John Dies at the End, his favorite guilty pleasure is reading zombie novels.When an online book retailer suggested that Don Coscarelli would like to read a book with meat demons, parasites with plans of planetary domination, weird parallel dimensions, bratwurst cellphone, and a street drug called soy sauce that gives the user all kinds of weird abilities. Leading Coscarelli to buy the book, devour the book, and turn the book into a weird fun film.

Like the book, the movie opens with the riddle of the universe. The riddle is this, the guy who you shot a few months ago comes back and kicks your door in. You grab the ax purchased and take the guy out again. In the process of defending yourself you break the handle and have to go back to the store with a bullshit story about the blood stains on the handle. Armed with a fixed ax you go home to find an inter-dimensional slug thing in your kitchen. Taking your ax you proceed to kill the thing and notch the head on your kitchen table. So back to the store, another bullshit story, and a new ax head. Returning home you find the guy you killed twice back again, his sewn back on with hedge trimmer wire, and looking for a rematch. He also is looking at you like your the guy who killed and that is the ax that did the job. Is he right, is that the same ax that killed him?

The story is centered around John and Dave. Two college drop outs that after being exposed to the drug soy sauce have been chosen to be defenders of Earth and Earths in parallel dimensions. With the aid of Marconi (Clancy Brown), a infomercial guru with supernatural powers, these two screw ups go on a strange adventure to save Earth from a bizarre invasion. The reason for this invasion sis the drug soy sauce. Aside from giving people strange supernatural powers, it's alive, and can act as a gateway for creatures to go from one reality to the next. Because of this a parasite with track record of destroying worlds and our slackers are the only ones destined to somehow step up and be the big damn heroes.

Overall this is a fun but incredibly strange movie. There are some issues with the movie because of the off the wall insanity. Best example of this is Dave uses soy sauce to go back in time to prevent his own murder. It is insanely clever use of time travel but part way through his time travel trip Dave ends up in some post apocalyptic nightmare for no reason. Other than that, the film has sold preferences by it's cast. There is a cameo by Phantasm's own Tall Man Angus Scrimm as the last priest you would want to talk to on a exorcism hotline.

I highly recommend John Dies at the End if your a fan of crude humor, general weirdness, and bizarrely amusing horror movies. Though this is a movie review I also highly recommending the book as well.

MVT: The scene that shows how this society dealt with people who did not except this organic A.I. as their overlord. Because the historic record was too graphic for John and Dave to comprehend the society made an incredibly graphic and violent cartoon to show a graphic and bloody purge.

Make or Break: What made it for me was Dave's character arc. He grows and changes as a character but he never stops being cynical jerk.

Score: 7.5 out of 10

 

Bloody Bloody Bible Camp (2012)

Directed by: Vito Trabucco
Run Time:  90 Minutes

This movie was being advertised on Twitter and like forty percent of the weirdness on that service it of course was brought to my attention. So I checked out the trailer, carried out the hunt for a retailer that had it and shipped to Canada, and once I owned it I promptly forgot about it. Which really was a disservice to this film as it is a fun, crude, and completely insane.

The story starts in 1977 at Happy Day Bible Camp. A vague denominational Christian bible camp in the middle of nowhere USA. The campers and staff are engaged in the sort of things you would expect people in a Christian bible camp to be doing. Mostly sex, drugs, and referencing events that happened in 1977. Like the death of Elvis Presley or commenting about how horrible a certain space opera movie that opened earlier that year. This film is a slasher film, so the nostalgia for the seventies gives way to random bloody murder of everybody except for two people. The added bonus is the killer is dressed up as a nun with a devil mask.

The plot then skips ahead seven years to 1984. Another vague Christian denomination group is test camping at Happy Day Bible Camp to see if it's worth buying. Leading this collection of misfits and dead people walking is one Father Reggie (Reggie Bannister). Sadly this is the point where the script starts to drag because of the who's the killer shell game, crude jokes, and setting up the victims for their slaughter. The jokes are funny and the set up for the third act blood bath is needed but the whole pace of the film just stops.

Eventually the movie crawls to the third act. The murderous nun in the devils mask makes her reappearance and the campers and staff start dropping in amusing fashion. The movie also shifts in tone from tongue in cheek tone to full on camp mockery of the slasher genre. To highlight this, the first person killed is decapitated with great practical effects whereas later the nun kills a girl with a crucifix and penetrating a notorious body cavity. Ron Jeremy makes an amusing and blasphemous cameo.

Overall this is a fun and weird movie. It's a love letter to slasher movies from the seventies and eighties but it is not afraid to make fun of those movies as well. The movie falls down when it come to it's characters and it's pace. The characters are stereotypical cardboard cutouts for comedic purposes most of the time. Like the ditzy girl with nudity in her contract, the dumb fat guy, a few variations on the jock stereotype. Not all the characters are like this but there are enough of them that it does distract from the movie. The pacing issues seem to stem from padding so the movie can get a ninety minute run time.

This is a sold rental and or streaming film for fans of raunchy humor. Also a great film to show at your party for coming out as an atheist.

MVT: Ron Jeremy's cameo. I know it's dickish to not talk about why but it is a spoiler. The spoiler free version is the man can act and is funny, especially in this role.

Make or Break: It's a minor and petty break. But I really would have like Father Reggie to have pulled out a four barreled shot gun.

Score: 5.15 out of 10

Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (2012)

Directed by: Gerry Lively
Runtime: 82 minutes

As of this post this is the last Dungeons and Dragons movie. It is also the best and worst of the three Dungeons and Dragons movies. It is the best as because it is the most faithful to the original source material and it is the worst because it assumes that the audience is made up of hard core D&D fans. This movie also assumes that the audience has read The Book of Vile Darkness.

Yes I should explain this one. The Book of Vile Darkness is one of two adult supplemental material books for D&D. Basically additional information for people who would rather pay for stuff they don't want to make up themselves. As for the subject matter of the book, take the works of Stephen King, Clive Barker, Poppy Z Brite, and Dan Simmons, run their collected works through a blender and have R.L. Stein filter and write the result. An afternoon spent watching horror movie or reading horror novels would be much better than what The Book Vile Darkness is.

Like the second movie there is back story over the opening credits. It is about Lord Dickhead, a man who hates all things living and gets off on being an evil dick to everything. Near the end of his life he clues into the fact that the fun will end when he dies. So he makes a deal with demons that his soul can't be destroyed and then has himself turned into a book. A book so evil that it spread evil, corruption, and madness to anyone who comes in contact with this vile book.

All this evil stupidity creates the Bros of Pelor (Pelor is the god of light and keg parties). These Bros are so awesome that Pelor gives them medallions to help them spread righteous light across the land. The forces of evil deiced to break the book into three parts. The ink was found and destroyed but the cover and pages disappeared.

The movie opens with our young hero becoming a Bro. And like all young heroes he thinks he is the chosen one who is going to change everything. But when he taps the scared stone, the stone does not light up proving that he is the chosen one. So our hero runs off while his fellow Bros have a good laugh at the hero's naivety.

The hero's dad consoles the hero after he is sure that he will not kill himself laughing at the site of his son. The two of them talk about how foolish the hero is being. Meanwhile, barbarians attack the Bros keg party because barbarians are dicks when they smell beer. So father and son join their fellow Bros and the scene cuts to next day. Because who really wants to watch a battle in a fantasy movie.

Our hero wakes up from being hit in the head and finds he is the only Bro left alive. He has a hazy idea that the barbarians kidnapped his dad. So trusting to plot convenience our hero sets out to save his dad. After some needless misadventures with a sex worker our hero finds the people who ordered the barbarians to attack the Bros in the first place. We have goth witch, creep with a mask, annoying assassin, hired goon, and Mr. I have two minutes to live.

This group won't let our hero join until he kills someone in cold blood. Luckily for him, Mr. I have two minutes to live remembers his name and walks right into our hero's sword. So team evil sets out to do the next thing on their list of tasks, kill a bad looking computer generated dragon. This leads to travel and getting more reasons to hate the characters. Then they fight and kill the dragon. This leads to the major thing that takes me out of the movie, everyone except our hero is needlessly evil and stupid. In the dragon's cave team evil finds the mcguffin they need and villagers from a town they need to visit. So what does team evil want to do with the villagers? Why kill them because they are weak for letting a dragon capture them.

However our hero is quick thinking and save the villagers by pointing out by keeping them alive the village will welcome team evil with open arms. So team evil goes into the village, welcomed like heroes, and hired goon goes to the village brothel to meet the topless female nudity requirement. Our hero and goth witch fulfill the required love interest part of the film and creep with a mask goes around the village being a needlessly evil dick because he can. Oh and the annoying assassin is robbing the village.

The next day team evil is about to leave but the villagers are not happy about being robbed. So the villagers locked the gates of the outside and have rounded up a posse to kill team evil. Our hero nearly talks team evil out of a needless fight but creep with a mask makes it worse. Forcing team evil to kill all the villagers without the villagers putting up much of a fight.

Later that night hired goon gets character development and poisoned by our hero. Then our hero puts hired goon and all the treasure team evil has collected into a magical bag (bag of holding) and throws the bag into a near by lake. He then puts annoying assassin in a situation where the assassin gets himself killed. This paves the way for team evil to get the last mcguffin and the last act of this movie.


If you are a D&D fan this movie is for you. It is the closest thing to a movie version of  role playing session that is not a comedy that you are likely to find. As for everyone else if you can't find anything else or you can't sleep this movie might be for you. But I don't suggest looking this one up unless this really your thing or your are a masochistic fantasy fan.

MVT: There is a undead child that benefits from the low quality computer animation as it adds to the creepiness.

Make or Break: What breaks this movie for me is team evil being evil and stupid so the hero looks more heroic.

Score: 4.15 out of 10

The Cinema Snob Movie (2012)

Directed by: Ryan Mitchelle

Runtime: 122 minutes

For a change of pace I am going to provide some background instead of going on about nothing to cover the fact I never know how to start these things. Brad Jones plays The Cinema Snob, an extremely uptight movie connoisseur that is forced to watch the exploitation films from the 1930's to the 1980's. Aside from the exploitation movie reviews Brad Jones also reviews fast food, odd food and drinks, movies opening at midnight with his friends, and he also makes movies.

Craig Golightly is a fan of exploitation cinema, an aspiring exploitation script writer, and creator of the film Black Angus. Black Angus is a blaxploitation film about a 70's dico roller skater out to avenge the death of family. Despite how awesome this movie sounds Craig and his friend Neil Hall are having problems getting the movie made. They don't have an African American leading man, locations that could stand in for 70's and no filming permits.

To get this movie made Craig meets with Dan Phillips, the man who approves film permits and self appointed guardian of quality art, in attempt to make Black Angus. Dan is less than thrilled about Black Angus and tells Craig to see him again when he has a real movie idea. Neil does much better and convinces a former high school class mate and successful business man Gene to help get the movie made. Gene also manages to get access to several sites for filming and gets them a leading man that will be perfect for Black Angus.

Dan finds out that Black Angus is still going ahead despite his efforts to kill the movie. So he hires the leading man to be the leading man in a play he is producing and promises to go out of his way to kill any attempt to make his movie. Craig reluctantly pretends to be Vincent Dawn, a monumental and annoying film snob, in an effort to infiltrate Dan's film club. Luckily Craig's acting skill allows him to convince Dan and the rest of the film club that he is one of them. He is then rewarded with a six hour viewing of Being John Malkovich. Two hours for the movie an four hours of interruptions through out the film to ask questions or to demonstrate how they understand the deeper meaning of the film.

The stupidity forces Craig outside for a smoke break where he meets Dan's wife Nancy. She gets the Vincent Dawn reference and the two of them hit it off. Elsewhere, the killer starts to pick off members of the film club in odd and amusing ways. This leads to Nancy attempting to solve the murders and taking Craig along for the ride. Meanwhile Niel is trying to find a way to exploit the situation and make Black Angus at the same time.

MVT: This film was made so someone who has never heard of The Cinema Snob, Argento films, Gialli films, and Fulci films to watch and not be left behind. 

Make or Break: What makes this movie for me is the dark humor though out this movie. The break would be pace drags at points and takes me out of the movie briefly.

Score: 8.5 out of 10

Episode #276: Blood xXx

Welcome to another episode of the GGtMC!!!

Thies week Sammy and Will were detained due to personal schedule conflicts so Dr. Zom and Jake stepped in to cover xXx (2002) starring Vin Diesel and Blood (2012) directed by Nick Murphy!!! We want to thank the guys for helping us on such short notice, True Gents!!!

Direct download: bloodxxx.mp3

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!

Episode #265: Velvet War

Welcome to another charming and enlightening episode of the GGtMC!!!

This week Sammy was once again detained by resposibility but Large William, Red Waffle Paul and Manchester James carried on the good deed and put together this nearly 3 hour episode for you guys and gals!!! The Gents covered Blue Velvet (1986) directed by David Lynch and Drug War (2012) directed by Johnnie To!!!

Direct download: ggtmc_265.mp3 

 

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Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

Midnite Ride #3: Resolution

Large William reviews Resolution (2012) directed by Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead.

Direct download: MidniteRide3.mp3 

 

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Midnite Ride #1: You're Nobody 'til Somebody Kills You

Welcome to a new venture of the GGtMC!!!

This is the Midnite Ride!!!

On the first episode of the Midnite Ride, Large William covers You're Nobody 'til Somebody Kills You (2012) directed by Michael A. Pinckney. 

Direct download: MidniteRide1.mp3 

 

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Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

 

Instant Action: Dredd (2012)

I'm not the law, I'm the guy who winds up dead because he's too busy patching up other people!

Screenplay By: Alex Garland
Directed By: Pete Travis

Olivia Thirlby, the character of Anderson, is not the person I expected to open up my review of Dredd with. To say that I was surprised by the way her character was presented would be an understatement. She has a great arc, one that could easily slip under the radar of many a viewer if they weren't paying attention. She begins as the typical rookie, and at some point slips into the role of the helpless woman. Dredd isn't your typical damsel in distress action film, and the way that Anderson responds to being in jeopardy proves as such. Miss Thirlby provides just the right amount of emotion at every stretch of the film. Her emotions and her character arc are very important to the larger picture in Dredd. She is the humanity in the film, and it's important that when she is pushed against a wall she responds. And respond Anderson does, transforming from the damsel in distress into a damn fine ass kicker. The character of Anderson is the most obvious example of how Dredd is more than just a typical action flick.

Dredd gets right to the point and it's a film that never minces its words. This is an action film that goes full throttle from beginning to end. The backstory of the film is given in a very matter of fact fashion, and the film never stops to enter story mode. The reason for this is that Dredd is always in story mode. The action in Dredd tells the story, and it keeps the viewer in line with where the film wants to go and what the film wants to say. The audience learns everything they need to learn about Judge Dredd through the way he carries himself during the action of the film. It's not that Dredd doesn't have a story to tell, it's simply that in a neat twist Dredd chooses to tell its story through its action instead of padding out the run time of the film with needless exposition.

At first I was irked by the visuals in Dredd. The slow motion effect was handled nicely, but I wasn't sure about the almost neon like blood. The first few times it took me out of the film and made me question what I was watching. I stuck with the film and over time the visuals of blood letting took on a different label in my mind. They were no longer irksome, but they were stylish in a way that gave the film energy. Being based on a comic book the way the slow motion visuals, and blood work, are handled is very reminiscent of said comic book roots. The visuals are splashy, and a tad gaudy, but they are very clean and let the viewer know exactly what is happening at every turn. Dredd isn't a film about trickery, the visual style of the film isn't intended to trick but to pay homage to the brighter world of comic books.

I would be remiss if I didn't bring up Serbuan maut in my review of Dredd. I know this is a touchy point for some people, but for my money the connection is an obvious one. Both films are about the adrenaline of action, and are very similar plot wise. The key differences come into play in the way that each film handles its story and its lead character. The story in Serbuan Maut is not a good one, and while the action is marvelous enough to overcome its lackluster story the film is ultimately hurt by said story. The story in Dredd is a strength of the film because as I stated above the action in Dredd tells the story and thus the film doesn't rely on any cliched dramatic beats within the story. The hero in Serbuan maut is a hero, the same is not true for Judge Dredd. He is an avenging figure, and almost machine like in his drive to dispense justice. We see at the end that he is human, but he's still a killing machine and that is the main function he serves during the film. The connection is present between Dredd and Serbuan maut, but each are their own film and are great for different reasons.

A couple of years ago I was one of the few people lamenting the nature of the modern action film. Films like The Bourne Ultimatum and Transformers were prime examples of what was wrong in action cinema. My tune has changed to the point where in 2013 I'm convinced action cinema is in the middle of a renaissance. The big budget blockbusters have been getting it right more than they have wrong when it comes to action cinema. A film like Dredd is a clear sign of a return to form for action cinema. The editing in Dredd is fluid and the action is easy to follow. Most of all, the action in Dredd makes great use of spatial relations and character placement. I hope more people discover Dredd, because this is action cinema that the film community needs to support. Movies like Serbuan maut, Pacific Rim, The Avengers, and Dredd show that action cinema in the 2010s is making a comeback, and it's a comeback I welcome with open arms.

Rating:

10/10

Cheers,
Bill

Bonus #52: Lesson of the Evil

Welcome back to the Gentlemen's Guide to Honor and Humanity!!!

Your 3 magnificent hosts Large William, Unccol Cat and Jake McLargeHuge pontificate on Takashi Miike's latest film Lesson of the Evil (2013).

Mackie Messer steady rockin' Fleur de Lis loafers, y'all!!!

Direct download: ggtmc_bonus_52.mp3 

 

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

Episode #240: Django Unchained Roundtable

Welcome to a very special episode of the GGtMC!!!

This week Will and Sammy are joined by fellow podcasters Tom Deja from Better In the Dark podcast and Christine from The Feminine Critique podcast and part of the power duo behind Paracinema Magazine, as well as Todd who writes for our blog and Kelly, Master of the Blu Ray from our Facebook community!!!

We brought together these fine folks for a dissection of Quentin Tarantino's Django Unchained (2012) and we go into massive detail, including spoilers, on the film and our thoughts on what worked and perhaps what didnt work? Tune in and find out folks!!!

We extend our gratitude to the guests that were on with us this week, all of the opinions provided we expected from this diverse and fun loving bunch of film fans...we love you all!!!

Direct download: ggtmc_240.mp3

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

 

Adios!!!

Episode #229: Berberian Prison

Welcome to our episode sponsored by diabolikdvd.com, the place to get all your hard to find releases!!!

This week it was Sammy's turn to pick and he chose Berberian Sound Studio (2012) directed by Peter Strickland and Prison (1988) directed by Renny Harlin!!! Sit back and enjoy the conversation, we had a blast discussing these two very different films and much more!!

Direct download: Berberian_Prison.mp3

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Bonus #48: Maple Glove TIFF Report 2012

Welcome to our TIFF Report for 2012!!!

We wrangled together a few selections for you this year with the help of Large William, Uncool Cat, Death Rattle Aaron and Lotep and they brought some Canadian charm for your earholes. Films discussed include Lords of Salem from director Rob Zombie, Antiviral from director Brandon Cronenberg and Sightseers from director Ben Wheatley.

Direct download: Maple_Glove_Report_TIFF.mp3

 

Sit back, relax and enjoy!!!

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Adios!!!

Episode #149: Airport and TIFF Coverage

Welcome to another episode of the GGtMC!!!

This week Sammy and Miles from Show Show cover Airport (1970) with Burt Lancaster and many, many others and William brings you some TIFF coverage with You're Next from director Adam Wingard and Bunohan AKA Return to Murder from director Dain Said.

Direct download: Airport_and_TIFF_CoverageRM.mp3

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

We will get to feedback as soon as we can gang!!! Hang tight!!!