Episode #205: Out of the 317th

Welcome to another episode of the GGtMC!!!

This weeks show is programmed by Doctor Zom, who you can find pontificating on cinema over at Silva and Gold Podacst (silvaandgoldpodcast.com) on a weekly basis, and he picked a couple of very interesting choices. Zom picked Out of the Blue (1980) directed by Dennis Hopper and The 317th Platoon (1965) directed by Pierre Schoendorffer.

Zom had planned on being on the show but sadly couldnt make it this week so we hope to bring him back on soon for more cinema chat!!!

Direct download: Out_of_the_317th.mp3

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

The Golem (1920)

Paul Wegener uses The Golem, a stone statue that comes to life via black magic, as an allegory on man’s greatest desires and follies. The demon represents man’s greed and power over others, as well as his gullibility towards lust and the aforementioned greed. Man is willing to sacrifice his life in order to gain power and self-worth. He will overlook the warnings of impending doom if it means immediate success.

He’ll even use this power for religious purposes. The Golem is brought to life via a rabbi. This rabbi’s intention is to save his village from exile by regaining the trust of the town. This is an honorable deed, but he slowly lets it grow out of hand. He begins to use The Golem as his personal assistant. He even tries to inject human characteristics into the inanimate object. Black magic may have made it mobile, but it’s soul is nowhere to be found. Take out his chest emblem (which my nerd psyche immediately thought of Iron Man) and he’s back to being nothing but stone.

Think of the Golem as HAL from “2001: A Space Odyssey”. The message Stanley Kubrick was getting across was that, despite all of the human characteristics instilled into HAL, it was still a machine at the end of the day. A computer programmed to take orders and nothing else. It’s eventual transformation into a monster was thanks to the hands of man. Man’s greed and desires are to blame for the inanimate’s apparent bloodlust.

The Golem is exactly that; an inanimate object. It may be more mobile than HAL, but it’s objective is the same. Man gives it a command, it follows through. When the time comes when the black magic turns the monster against man, it is not the Golem’s fault. It is only carrying out it’s prime directive. It shows no human emotion, despite the facial features it imitates.

This results in the film’s horror being of the deeper kind. Wegener doesn’t utilize jump scares or frightening imagery. That’s not to say none of that is present. The arrival of Astaroth (the creature that helps bring the Golem to life) truly frightened me. I can imagine that the special effects, which were stellar for the time, generated chills in audiences of 1920. Most of the thrills that are generated come from man’s desire and our inherent fear of our own feelings overtaking us.

The use of colors throughout is an intriguing one. The pattern seems to go as follows: Yellow represents the brightness of day; Blue represents the calm of night; Green represents peacefulness; Orange represents formality; Red represents danger/impending doom. While this is a compelling trick, there are times when the colors aren’t utilized correctly. I remember a few scenes where green was used during escalating scenarios. This can cause off-putting in the mood.

The only real issue Wegener stumbles upon is on how to end the film. The ending itself is fine. The problem is that it’s dragged out a bit too long. It felt as if Wegener was trying to drive the point home one last time before the credits rolled. This causes a slight lack of faith in the audience and some fatigue on the viewer. Considering that’s my only true complaint (as the color scheme is a minimal one), that almost acts as a compliment.

MVT: I’ll go with Wegener’s message. While the Golem itself is the star of the show, the reasoning behind it’s creation is the true selling point.

Make or Break: The arrival of Astaroth. Not just because it’s the film’s most frightening scene, but it also brings the Golem to life. This is when the film kicks into high gear.

Final Score: 9.5/10

Commandos (1968)

Sgt. Frank Rock and "the combat-happy Joes" of Easy Company (with nicknames such as Bulldozer, Ice Cream Soldier, Wildman, and so on) were created in 1959 by writer Bob Kanigher and artist Joe Kubert for DC Comics' Our Army At War #83 (though the Rock character had existed in a couple different variations going all the way back to that January's G.I. Combat #68). It's been debated that Bob Haney wrote the first appearance of the Rock in Our Army At War #81, drawn by Ross Andru and Mike Esposito, but that was more an early model for what would come shortly. Most, if not all, of the Sgt. Rock stories center on the eponymous character either teaching an object lesson (typically to a new member of Easy Co., where "nothin' ever comes easy") or being taught one (typically by a new member of Easy Co.). Rock liked being a sergeant. He liked being in the field with his grunts. He disdained desk jockey officers, and often pushed them to the point of flagrant insubordination. These tales can be a bit one-note, especially when read back to back, but let's face it; they were never intended that way, and for a kid rummaging through the comics at the local corner store, they were straight from heaven. With that in mind, I would like to simply say rest in peace and thank you to Mr. Kanigher and Mr. Kubert. You made it look easy.

The year is 1942. A ragtag group of soldiers have been gathered under Sgt. Sullivan (Lee Van Cleef) and his right hand man Dino (Romano Puppo) to execute the plan of Captain Valli (Jack Kelly). The Captain's "Operation: Torch" calls for the men to quietly take over an oasis in Africa currently occupied by the Italian army in the service of Germany's Army Corps Africa, where oil wells have been tapped to keep the enemy's Panzers on the move. The men put on happy faces and take in the Germans, including Oberleutnants Rudi (Götz George) and Heitzel (Joachim Fuchsberger, billed as Akim Berg), while trying to keep the remaining Italians, led by Lt. Tomassini (Marino Masé), from escaping and putting the sprags to the whole mission and maybe even losing the war for the Allies (okay, not really). 

At its core, Commandos (aka Sullivan's Marauders) is director Armando Crispino's Macaroni Combat cash-in on The Dirty Dozen. However, the script (co-written by Dario Argento from a story by Menahem Golan) takes some noticeable (and in its own way, distinctly Italian) departures from the American model. The set up requires the American soldiers to be fluent in Italian to pull off the sham (essentially a play on the Battle of the Bulge, where German soldiers masqueraded as Americans), but here the soldiers are generally indistinct from one another. There is no Franko, no Wladislaw, not even a Vladek. These men are a group, and aside from the more senior characters, it's difficult to tell them from the enemy. The only real exception to this is Aldo (Giampiero Albertini), who plays an integral part in the finale and summation of the film. It seems to me a shame to waste such talented character actors as Puppo and Pier Paolo Capponi, but there you have it. I suppose their colorful faces were enough for the filmmakers (and it should be said there's a certain value in that, as well).

Sullivan dislikes officers, as most cinematic non-coms are wont to do, but his animosity reaches levels of outright insubordination and physical menace that would have any other soldier shot. He has his reasons, of course, but his initial confrontation with Valli feels misplaced and uncalled for, at best. So of course, Sullivan will be proved correct. What's frustrating is the amount of vacillation that goes on with Sullivan wanting to alternately kill Valli and carry out his orders. It can be argued that this was intentional; an attempt to show the conflict taking place inside the sergeant, but the way it's handled by Crispino, it comes across as a matter of convenience. When it makes for dramatic conflict, Sullivan will defy Valli, and when it's time to kill Nazis, they're pals.

This defiance extends from Sullivan's back story. As a character, he is emotionally damaged; quasi-psychotic, even. He blames his traumatic experience on an officer who was willing to sacrifice his men to get commendations for himself. At multiple points, Sullivan becomes bloodthirsty, wanting to slay everything in his path. He projects his past onto the present, and in his mind, he is taking revenge for what happened not only to him but also to his platoon, which we must assume included at least a few close friends (of which we know Dino is definitely one). But there's a difference between sacrificing oneself and being sacrificed. Sullivan knows the difference. Valli does not, and while the end has a reconciliation of a sort between the two men (as it must for this type of film), it feels superficial and tenuous. Perhaps a non-resolution of the tensions between the men could have made for a more nuanced conclusion; a more realistic depiction of the eternal relationship between those who lead and those who are lead (the man on the ground understands the relationship perfectly, while the one above him can't grasp it on account of his perspective and distance from his subordinates, necessary or not). The filmmakers' representation of this, however, lacks the definition needed to provide a solid sense of closure by film's end. 

The production value of the film is quite high, and the film (an Italian and German co-production) puts every penny up on the screen. Crispino shows a deft hand at directing large-scale action (the most important aspect of which is maintaining a sense of space, I would argue), and the battle scenes are great to watch. He fills the frame when appropriate and focuses on individual acts when appropriate. By that same token, the director also shows an aptitude for directing the stealthy, quieter scenes which generate the suspense on which the entire film is structured. The acting is solid all-around, though it does veer off into the overwrought at several points (but let's face it; that's half the fun). Also of interest is the film's score by Mario Nascimbene, which consists largely of variations on Franz Liszt's Totentanz (aka Dance Of The Dead) and provides a layer of both foreshadowing as well as a bit of punctuation on the film. So, while the film is nothing all that original, it does have enough European flourishes to make it interesting for casual viewers and cinephiles alike. My recommendation is for you to commandeer Commandos for yourself and give it a spin (see what I did there?).

MVT: The whole movie is loaded not only with tense scenes but also with an air of tension overall. Crispino and company manage to make it just bearable enough to sustain interest, without becoming off-putting and stale.

Make Or Break: The Make is the scene when a certain soldier buries another soldier (I'm trying not to give away anything here). It doesn't quite attain heights of heart-string-pluckery, but it is effective. It also illustrates the film's larger theme slightly better than the very end, which was well-played but felt more like an afterthought than anything else, to me. 

Score: 6.5/10
 

**Like this review? Share it with a friend. Hate it? Share it with an enemy.**

Episode #204: Fear Eats The Eel

Welcome to another glorious episode of the GGtMC programmed by listener Tyler for our Kickstarter campaign!!!

Tyler picked Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (1974) directed by Ranier Werner Fassbinder and The Eel AKA Unagi (1997) directed by Shohei Imamura. Always interesting when a listener programs the show and we always seem to find a through line to the selections.

Direct download: Fear_Eats_the_Eel.mp3

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

Hard Ticket to Hawaii (1987)

Directed by Andy Sidaris

Starring Ronn Moss ("Rowdy Abilene"), Dona Speir ("Donna Hamilton"), Hope Marie Carlton ("Taryn"), and Harold Diamond ("Jade").

I always feel inclined to watch movies with "Hawaii" in the title. Couldn't tell you why, though. Perhaps it may have to do with the fact that I might have lived there at some point in my life. It's always amusing to see somewhere (or something) you're familiar with through the eyes of someone else, and even more so when they're the eyes of B-movie filmmaker Andy Sidaris.

For those not well-versed in the films of the late, great Andy Sidaris, let's take it back a decade or two before he burst onto the scene. For me, it all goes back to Russ Meyer, who is still considered to be the king of Sexploitation movies. His films catered to a certain audience made up of people who enjoy large-breasted women and politically incorrect humor. By the time Andy Sidaris came on the scene in the 80's, Meyer's heyday had already passed, and Sidaris sort of picked up the torch and subsequently specialized in films that catered once again to audiences who enjoyed well-endowed women whose assets were being shamelessly exploited. The only difference is, Sidaris threw guns and explosions into the mix. If you were around and old enough to watch movies late at night on Cinemax back in the 90's, there's a good chance you may have seen one of Sidaris's movies. If images of oiled-up WCW wrestler Buff Bagwell in a Native American head-dress and warpaint are somehow etched in your memory and you don't know how they got there, you can blame Andy Sidaris for that.

HARD TICKET TO HAWAII, as you may have guessed, takes place in the good ol' "Aloha State", and it revolves around an illegal drug operation, a mirrored-Raybans-wearing henchman who's easily distracted by frisbees, two ass-kicking blonde pieces of eye-candy who look like extras from a Motley Crüe video, a couple of musclebound drug enforcers, and a "contaminated" killer snake. Still with me? There's also bazookas (literally and figuratively), a skateboarding assassin, shameless promotion of other Andy Sidaris films, and an abundance of obligatory nudity. And yes, HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is as cool as it sounds. I could probably just end this review right here, but I'll keep going.

Running down the plot for a movie like this is pointless, because there's clearly an emphasis on boobs and action here rather than plot, but, for what it's worth, there actually is a simple and coherent story underneath all of the excess. Essentially, though, HARD TICKET TO HAWAII is a highlight reel of softcore sex, bad acting, and over-the-top death scenes that look like they belong in a slasher movie. Among said highlights are:

-- The two aforementioned blonde women (Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton) get attacked by henchmen, only for one of them to produce ninja stars out of her boot and the other to somehow come into the possession of nunchucks, which she just throws at her attacker instead of properly using. After this ordeal, they naturally hit up a jacuzzi and get topless. This confusing but awesome behavior continues throughout the duration of the film. Watching these characters get into various predicaments is pure joy and hilarity.


-- Hands down one of the greatest and most bizarre death-by-bazookas I've ever seen. The unfortunate person on the other end of the bazooka is hit by a Jeep while skateboarding (and carrying a blow-up doll for some reason), launched into the air, and blasted with a bazooka while in mid-air by the driver of the Jeep who has enough time to stop and produce said bazooka. As an added bonus, the guy with the bazooka also decides to blow the shit out of the blow-up doll while it's still in mid-air as well.

-- A frisbee death scene that simply must be seen to be believed. Mere words can't describe the awesomeness of this moment in the film.

-- Dirtbikes, questionable fashion choices, and Harold Diamond.

I think that about sums it up.

Make or Break: The bazooka massacre sequence that I mentioned earlier. Not only the best moment of the film, but one of the best moments in 80's Action cinema period in my opinion.

MVT: I'd like to give it to the duo of Dona Speir and Hope Marie Carlton (hardy har har), but Andy Sidaris is the mastermind behind this film, so it would only make sense if he was MVT.

Score: 6.75/10

I know, after how much I've praised the movie and made it sound like the greatest thing ever, I only gave it a 6.75? While HARD TICKET TO HAWAII does deliver the goods, there's just not enough here to make it a "classic", and it's a little too similar to other Andy Sidaris films that were produced around the same time with a bunch of the same cast members for it to stand out considerably in the context of Andy's filmography. A legitimate complaint I have about this movie, though, is that it just sort of fizzles out by the end instead of going out with a bang. Worth seeking out if this sounds like you're kinda thing, and a good starting point if you're looking to get into the films of The Sidaris.

The Carpenter (1988)

I’ll give David Wellington credit. He takes a simple plot, that of a psychotic carpenter haunting his unfinished dream home, and tries to do something more with it. He takes the slasher mold and tries to craft a psychological thriller out of it. I say tries because he’s not quite successful. It should be noted he’s working off a script by Doug Taylor, though I’m not sure if that was written as a traditional slasher. There are moments in the film that play out as such, making me question how much of Taylor’s script was changed.

I have a feeling that Taylor’s script didn’t start out with Alice Jarett (Lynne Adams) going to a mental ward. Her husband, Martin (Pierre Lenoir), checks her in and stays at her side during visiting hours until she’s released. When she is, he takes her to their new home in the countryside. It still has some renovations, so a crew of carpenters will be working there.

Alice is awoken the first night to the sound of drilling in the basement. She goes down to discover Ned (Wings Hauser), a carpenter who she believes is one of the gang. She doesn’t think this for long, as she witnesses Ned’s short temper explode on one of the sleaze balls when he makes a move on Alice. He saws his arms off and she watches nonchalantly. That’s right, she seems perfectly fine with this unknown carpenter hacking and slashing her hired carpenters. She is crazy!

She soon learns from a local cop (who I believe gave her a visit to check in on the missing carpenter, though I don’t remember him specifically stating so) that Ned was a successful carpenter who slowly went insane. The house she resides in is the one he previously owned. He worked round the clock to craft his perfect house. This resulted in him not taking any actual paying jobs. His wife left him because of this and his house was repossessed. He snapped and slaughtered those who tried to take him down. He got the electric chair for this.

Instead of freaking out, Alice confides in Ned (she even tells the cop he sounded like a nice man, which is absolutely creepy considering all she heard from him was that he was a psychopath). Wellington hints at the possibility that Ned is a figment of her warped imagination. She’s stated that her mental problems sometimes make her see things that aren’t there. The only inherent problem with this theory is that the carpenters recognize Ned’s work and think scabs are picking up their overtime. Unless Alice is doing the construction overnight herself, Ned has to exist.

Wellington gives Alice more emotional baggage by turning her husband into a douche bag. He seemed nice enough from the start, but we shortly learn after they move in that he’s a prick. He’s rude to the carpenters (though most of them are drunks who constantly goof off, so his attitude is justified) and he’s cheating on his wife. He even gets his mistress (who’s also his student in college) pregnant. Lenoir pulls off the character well and makes you hate him. The issue at hand is that it all unravels like a cheesy soap opera.

It may sound like I’m knocking “The Carpenter”, which I slightly am. It has a few more faults than it does pluses. I appreciated the attempt to do something different with the slasher genre, even if it didn’t all work out. Those coming in expecting a balls to the wall slasher won’t be completely satisfied, but Ned does off his victims in gruesome ways (and takes out a few rats with his nail gun). Wings Hauser is fantastic in his role, playing a goofy psychotic spouting off one-liners when dealing with his foes, but being gentle and kind towards Alice. Their brewing romance could have been hokey, but the two had tremendous chemistry and it worked out well.

Though I’m giving David Wellington credit, he does fumble as I mentioned. The finale starts strong, but slowly turns ludicrous. The film also suffers from pacing issues. The reason I believe Doug Taylor’s script was refurbished (pardon the pun) is because the actual slasher scenes feel off compared to the rest of the film. They move fast and are quite witty. The rest of the film moves slow, like a methodical thriller. This causes some lulls and slows the film down.

Depending on how you perceive it, “The Carpenter” is a better film than it sounds. If the idea of a psychotic carpenter haunting his old home sounds enjoyable (which it did to me), than this film may actually be lesser in your eyes. If the idea sounds laughable, than you’d be surprised to see there’s some craft behind it. For me, I appreciated the craft, but don’t feel it quite suited the slasher feel. I may appreciate the effort, but there’s parts of me that kind of wishes this was a crazy slasher flick.

MVT: Wings Hauser. He turns in a swell performance and can actually balance the mood swings the film goes through. He’s a hoot to watch!

Make or Break: It’s hard to pinpoint. I’ll go with the opening in the mental ward. I’m of the feeling that is slightly above average, so I’ll say this made the film. Even if it didn’t, it’s the perfect scene to choose as Wellington automatically shows you this isn’t a run of the mill slasher.

Final Score: 5.25/10

Episode #203: Paths of Glory

Welcome to this week's episode sponsored by boulevardmovies.com!!!

This week Sammy picked Stanley Kubrick's Paths of Glory (1957) starring Kirk Douglas and Timothy Carey. We go over the film with a fine toothed facial hair comb and discussed many different facets of the film.

Direct download: Paths_of_Glory2.mp3

We also cover some more listener feedback!!!

Emails to midnitecinema@gmail.com

Voicemails to 206-666-5207

Adios!!!

The Church (1989)

I have been a Cary Grant fan for a long, long time. Ever since I saw him in the phenomenal His Girl Friday, his wild charm and mischievous smile won me over. I'll watch just about anything with him in it. When I saw him in Kiss Them For Me, though, he was slightly upstaged in my eyes. Not by Jayne Mansfield, though she certainly has her share of positives. No, this would be the first time that I saw Suzy Parker. Her pale skin, light eyes, auburn hair, and chiseled features were alluring. I couldn't stop staring at her. Plus, she could hold her own against ladykiller Grant. But what fascinated me even more about her was that she was essentially an ice queen, inaccessible almost to the last. And as we all know, you always want what you cannot have. 

That film also introduced my friends and me to the concept of Stingers. Primarily regarded as an aperitif due to its mixture of brandy and crème de menthe, it's not an unpleasant cocktail. Well, one evening we decided we were going to drink nothing but Stingers, and whenever the time came to order another round, we would muster up our best-worst Cary Grant impressions and announce to pretty much the entire bar what we would be having. Obnoxious? Yes. So, how does this relate to a demonic film like Michele Soavi's
The Church (aka La Chiesa, aka Cathedral Of Demons)? Well, let's just say that evening, I was by the Devil possessed, as it were. And while no real adventures took place (that I know of), I now have a very strong aversion to crème de menthe.

During the twelfth century, Teutonic knights, having been advised by a creepy priest that its residents are possessed, annihilate an entire Hungarian village. The bodies of the victims are piled in a mass grave, and over the site a gothic cathedral is erected. Eight centuries later, restoration work is being done on the church. New librarian, Evan (Thomas Arana), and art restorer, Lisa (Barbara Cupisti), quickly shack up together. Inside a cracked foundation, Evan discovers a parchment stating that there's something buried beneath the cathedral, and like the avaricious jerk that he is, he sets out to get it for himself. But once the evil is set free, it will take a miracle to imprison it again. Good luck with that.

Let's start this off with a little honesty. I didn't care for Soavi's Stage Fright. It didn't feel especially like it stood out from the pack of Slasher films, and the slickness and gaudiness of the production detracted from the horror aspects, for me. That's not to say that I hated it, because I didn't, but I also didn't feel it was exceptional. I haven't watched it in a few years, so you won't get specifics as to why from me this time around. In The Church, however, Soavi's visual flair is a terrific asset. The camera is constantly in motion, taking in the entirety of the enclosed setting, and the director constantly changes up the angles and compositions to keep things interesting and maintain momentum. The special and makeup effects are high quality for the most part, and they satisfy that Creature Feature hunger I'm sure we all feel from time to time. The score by no less than Keith Emerson, Philip Glass, and über-prog-rock film composers Goblin is excellent. It is synth-y and catchy, propulsive and evocative. A vinyl re-issue of this score would not be undesired by me.

Peter Kropotkin once called prisons "universities of crime," since they were nothing more than mass congregations of criminals under one roof. The film plays on this idea (to an extent at least) with not only the genesis of the church, but also with the structure's role in the film. When the site of the church is chosen, it starts as the scene of a massacre. To put up something holy on the ground where something loathsome occurred is, of course, blasphemous, but it also bestows on the church a dual nature. One the one hand, churches are sanctuaries and places of worship. They are supposed to be safe for the people who enter them. On the other hand, as Mr. Kropotkin pointed out, this church cannot be a place of shelter, having been engineered specifically as a jail. In effect, the people who enter the cathedral are as much prisoners as whatever is buried under the foundation, the priests who reside there, sentinels. At the same time, the cross itself represents a dual meaning. It is a Christian holy symbol, of course, but it is also the bars of this demon's gaol. This is most evident in the giant crucifix in the church's foundation. In the center of the crossbeams is a demon's head, merging the two into a warning about tampering with the seal. 

The film is also heavy on water and reflections as a motif. The very first shot of the film is of a reflection in water shattered by the hooves of a knight's horse. Mira (Olivia Cupisti) the witch soaks her stigmatic feet in the river, and she offers water from this to one of the knights. Young Lotte (Asia Argento) stares at a mirror while in mass, applying her forbidden lipstick. Lisa drinks water from a monstrous fountainhead. The model groom stares at his reflection in a baptismal font and is attacked (psychically at least) by a monster which leaps out at him. Water, normally a purifier and symbol of life, here is an agent of transformation via the power of reflection. Our reflection is the opposite (ever tried cutting your own hair by looking in a mirror?) of how we actually appear, and in The Church this opposition is how evil strikes.

The film also relies heavily on symbols and art/iconography in its story. The parchment Evan finds contains symbols he cannot decipher until he spies its reflection (and there's that again) on a metallic cylinder. Lotte surrounds herself with and applies symbols of what she perceives to be maturity (lipstick, short skirts, nail polish) in an effort to be seen as a sexual being. The idea of stigmata is employed as symbolic of the wounds of Christ, but here they are allowing the Devil to enter his victims (Mira's on the bottom of her foot, another's on a wrist), at least at first. Father Gus (Hugh Quarshie) must literally piece together a puzzle from a torn up painting in an ancient text in order to decipher how the evil can be halted. Lisa is employed in restoring a fresco of the Devil eating the souls of sinners. As the victims begin to hallucinate, much of what they see comes from (or is directly inspired by) extant pieces of art (Baphomet from Eliphas Levi's Transcendental Magic, Boris Vallejo's Vampire's Kiss, Philippe Halsman's In Voluptas Mors, and so forth). Symbols are painted on Lisa's body in blood as she is prepared for a satanic ritual. Father Gus's clerical collar falls away (and into water, incidentally) when he makes a crucial choice. All of this adds layers of interest for the viewer, and makes the film more thoughtful than some others in the genre. This is despite a dearth of characterization, massive logic gaps, and a lack of a central protagonist to invest in on any but the most superficial level. Perhaps Martin Luther sums up this film better than I can: "For where God built a church, there the Devil would also build a chapel." 

MVT: Soavi's direction is assured, stylish, and solid at every turn. He retains visual interest throughout and manages to maintain focus in the chaos of the film's action.

Make Or Break: The Make is the final shot of the film. It is not that the shot is unexpected. In fact, if anything, it is old hat. It is, however, the abruptness of the shot which I found so pleasing. It cuts at the exact moment that it should and displays a sense of subtlety too often lacking in films of this nature.

Score: 6.75/10

**Like this review?  Share it with a friend.  Hate it?  Share it with an enemy.**

Cyclone (1987)

The Cyclone the title is referring to is a motorcycle created by Rick Davenport (Jeffrey Combs) that doubles as a military weapon. It’s equipped with lasers, guns and six rockets. It can reach unimaginable speeds and perform practically any stunt. Even the helmet is decked out. It comes with a radar system that speaks and it also shoots lasers. It’s like a ten year old’s wet dream come true!

Making that wet dream even better is Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas), Jeffrey’s girlfriend. She doesn’t know of his government job. She soon discovers when two punks, Rolf (Dar Robinson) and Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith), stab him in the back of the neck with an ice pick while they were out at the club. They’re hired goons of Bosarian (Martin Landau, having fun chewing up the scenery), who wants the transformer to the Cyclone to sell. Why he wouldn’t want the whole bike is beyond me.

While this sounds like a ton of fun, and certainly is at times, it’s not quite the enjoyable experience I was hoping for. The Cyclone doesn’t get used to it’s full potential until the finale. It races around town for a bit (in quite a few montages that drag a bit) and gets in a wicked car chase at one point. But, the lasers and rockets and whatnot don’t get busted out until near the end. I understand why Fred Olen Ray did this. He was building up the suspense and hitting the money shot at the end. While I respect this decision, I feel he stumbled a bit on the way there.

The main issue with “Cyclone” is that it can be boring. A lot of the dialogue can be atrocious and I found some talk heavy scenes to drag. For a film that’s only eighty-three minutes long, it sure has a lot of padding. I’ll give credit to the actors; they do their best with the material. Heather Thomas can be a bit flaky at times, but she handles herself well and is the camera’s best friend. Jeffrey Combs is quite charming in his brief role as her boyfriend and the two surprisingly have chemistry together. Dar Robinson is a hoot as Rolf, while Landau is fun to watch as his boss.

Olen Ray adds some comic relief in the form of two bumbling cops played by Tim Conway, Jr. and Michael Reagan. While they do score some laughs (them falling asleep while on a stakeout made me chuckle), they felt woefully out of place. They add nothing to the story and only waste time. I’m not so sure if Fred was filling dead air or if he just wanted the two of them in his film. It’s quite possible the latter is the case and he penned them in at the last minute.

I need to quit bitching and moaning! While I had my fair share of issues with “Cyclone”, I also had my fair share of fun with it. Though the action sequences only appear sporadically, they deliver on the goods. Olen Ray doesn’t hold back in the finale and goes balls to the wall (replete with a gargantuan amount of explosions). I just wish the road there wasn’t so bumpy.

MVT: Heather Thomas. She may have been flaky in spots, but she was good overall and held her own. She played the eye candy up to the camera, but handled herself well when it came to the action. She was a good choice for the role.

Make or Break: The finale. It saved the film for me. Honorable mention goes to the car chase in the middle, where the goons’ car gets ripped in half.

Final Score: 6/10