In the far flung future, the
world has apparently been divided into two countries: Soleil (which translates
to “sun” from the French but is always engulfed in night) and Frodan (which is
always lit by sunlight, but from my research doesn’t translate to shit in any
language; feel free to correct me). The two
nations have been at war for as long as anyone can remember, and in the interim
the government of Soleil has become totalitarian in the extreme, regulating
everything from where people live to who they can love. When star-crossed paramours Bone (Peter Nelson) and Helen (Sherilyn Fenn) stick it to The Man by
doing it without Big Brother’s permission, they are offered the chance of a
lifetime by criminal mastermind/Frodanian spy Jason (David Carradine, trying his damndest to not die of embarrassment):
steal a disc (actually a PC board) from a Soleil facility, and he’ll not only
pay them but also transport them to Frodan (where the grass just has to be
greener). Bone and Helen discover that
they have something of a knack for criminality, and Soleil’s most wanted lists
quickly have two new additions.
Luis Llosa’s Crime Zone
is a miserable film, and not simply in the sense of production value. To be fair, it does create a world for its
characters to inhabit, and it does so fairly convincingly on a tiny
budget. But every single one of the
characters that inhabit this world is miserable in the extreme. Bone works in the Garden of Hibernation,
where the hoi polloi are placed in suspended animation while having all sorts
of body work done. After his boss
catches him badmouthing the clientele, he’s fired, but not before getting
reamed out for not “playing the game” (read: kissing ass). This is strictly for the benefit of the
audience (as are the statements about how gifted he could have been as a police
officer), so that we know Bone is a rebel.
Never mind, that he has two facial expressions: deceased and manic. Helen works as a prostitute at the Trocadero
2000: House of Pleasure #4. She was
assigned there by the government, so at least we can understand her
dissatisfaction. Bone used to be in a
gang called the Fuck Ups (which is not only a completely unintimidating moniker
but also a set up for failure), along with Creon (Michael Shaner), a character so unlikable, so repellant, and so
thinly-drawn that the single side of him you do get to see still feels
incomplete. And this is just a small
sampling.
If we look at this as part of the
intent of the film, it does contain a certain logic. After all, Helen and Bone do find love among
the damned, and in the face of the oppression under which they live, they act
out. The idea that two people can find
each other in the least hospitable environs is certainly one which might touch
an audience. The defiant lovers have
been a staple of stories for centuries.
You have Romeo and Juliet falling in love despite violent familial
differences. You have Cole and Kathryn
Railly in Twelve Monkeys, who try to
outmaneuver destiny. You have Bonnie and
Clyde in…um…Bonnie And Clyde, who
wound up dying alongside each other because of their choices. From the examples here, you may have noticed
a trend. These three couples (and so
many others) all came to rather unpleasant endings. This is a strong trope in love stories of
this ilk. These are not necessarily stories
about love conquering all (well, I suppose in some way they can be, if the idea
that the characters are reunited after death holds any value for you). These are stories about the ineluctability of
fate, and thus they are also about the intransience of life, about grabbing
onto what you can right now. These
characters also share at least some light which makes the dark worthwhile. Now, I’m not going to say whether or not Bone
and Helen are dead at the end of Crime
Zone, but the film does follow the spirit set forth in works like those cited
above. What Llosa and company get wrong, however, is that there is little to
none of the aforementioned light that makes the dark bearable for our
protagonists. Their situation does not
improve socially or financially. Right
off the bat, the meet cute between our lovers is ham-fisted, improbable, and
uncomfortable. When Bone and Helen are
with each other (outside of when they’re having sex), there is no
chemistry. You don’t feel like these two
would give their lives for or kill for one another. It’s all completely scripted, and it feels
like it, which is what makes it all the more egregious.
Nevertheless, the lure of
transgression in the film is slightly easier to swallow than the attraction
supposedly shared by the leads.
Naturally in a world where your every move is monitored and dictated,
the urge to revolt is strong. This
brings up what is perhaps the most intriguing concept of the film. Control of this world rests solely in the
hands of a government which clearly has none of the masses’ interests at
heart. This is nothing new, surely. Government is almost exclusively depicted as
being (by turns) duplicitous, self-serving, incompetent, and outright evil in
popular media, and even moreso since the Vietnam War. It is the lengths to which they go that I
found mildly engaging. By that same
token, the lack of actual control the government has over its people is
confounding, all things considered. If
anything, one would think that the people would be somewhat placated by their
government for all the trouble they have gone through to get to this point (even
if the placation is illusory). This is a
place where police actually have the time and inclination to bust into a guy’s
apartment just to find out if his penis is flaccid or erect (“I bet you’re
still horny!”; “show me your dick!”; “Is that it’s normal size?”; yes,
really). So, any interest embedded in
the film is washed away by the sheer vapidity of just about every scene,
because the big picture stays out of focus from start to finish. For example, Creon shoves his hand in Helen’s
crotch, and it takes Bone almost half a minute to react. Under a time crunch, our feckless sweethearts
decide to rob a bunch of jewelry with no discernible way to fence the
goods. Bone teaches Helen how to use a
gun by having her point it directly at him.
The bandits somehow forget to bring their gas masks to a heist, even
though they brought them to their very first one where there was no gas used
(unless I blocked it from my memory).
Added to the fact that this movie wants to be all Science Fiction things
to all Science Fiction fans at the same time (with elements from THX-1138 to Blade Runner to Brazil and
beyond) while underwhelming this viewer in all facets, and Crime Zone turns out to be nothing more or less than a colossal waste
(no matter its budget).
MVT: Much as I’m loathe to
admit it, I do think there’s a good story buried somewhere in this
shambles. Unfortunately, it’s only ever
really hinted at, so any expectations get dashed at just about every turn.
Make Or Break: When the cop
comes in to check Bone’s junk, I couldn’t stop laughing. Alas, I don’t think the scene was intended to
be funny, and it stands out obtrusively. I couldn’t buy into anything that happened
afterward, and I couldn’t be bothered to care, regardless.
Score: 4/10
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