There are some films that I feel don’t warrant a traditional review. They’re not traditional films and have a different agenda. In “Death Machines” case, it’s to be a showcase of random action set pieces held together by a thin plot. That being three expert martial artists injected with a mind-controlling drug that turns them into near-invincible killers. They are sent out to do the bidding of a mob boss, though we all know it’s simply so they can do jaw-dropping fights. Not that I’m complaining!
Due to this, I’ve decided to forego the lengthy paragraphs detailing my thoughts and simply provide you all with a list of the happenings in this film. That shall help you determine whether or not you want to see this film. Considering you’re a member of the Gentlemen’s Guide to Midnite Cinema (unless you just stumbled upon this review; if so, welcome), you’ll most likely want to. This list is just enticement.
-The three martial artists are picked after they are attacked and unintentionally prove themselves worthy to a mob boss. One of his workers pulls out a gun in the middle of the fight to dispose of them, which had me cackling.
-They take out a barrage of cops and cause dozens of explosions.
-They break into a karate studio by jumping through the windows. They follow this up by killing all but one of the students and instructors (the survivor, who lost his right hand and looks like Steve Zahn, hunts them down after recovering). They even trick one of them into jamming their sword into an electrical wire, shocking himself to death.
-One of them gets arrested, only to convince the cops that he’s sick (by heaving) to release his handcuffs, then beats the shit out of the entire squad present.
-Arrested martial artist goes to a local diner (with a bloody bandage on his head, cuts all over and the handcuffs dangling on one hand) and is handed a free burger by the owner. A bunch of bikers come in, he picks a fight with them, his partners arrive and they lay waste of the gang. The arrested one then pats the owner on the back.
-A bar brawl where the survivor works that has almost everything destroyed (pool table, windows, mirrors, etc.). Highlight is one of the thugs throwing cue balls at Steve Zahn’s long lost father.
-A jet being blown up by a bazooka. Does the context even matter?
-An admittedly weak finale, but it was a nice sequel hook. Too bad said sequel never came into fruition.
That’s just a sample of the amazing content “Death Machines” has to offer! I didn’t want to spoil it all for you. I’ll admit this film isn’t a masterpiece, even in the B-movie sense. The dialogue scenes are obviously filler (though the cops fare fine) and the Steve Zahn lookalike is a badly developed hero. You won’t be worrying too much about these flaws when watching this film. You’ll be having too much fun!
MVT: The three martial artists. They were slick, well trained and fit the role. Without them, this film would have sunk.
Make or Break: The opening sequence, which is balls to the wall insanity just like the rest of the film!
Final Score: 7.75/10
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