Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Robotech: The Movie (1986)

Directed by: Noboru Ishiguro and Carl Macek
Runtime: 87 minutes (though it feels longer)

This need a little explanation is needed for this one. Robotech the TV series was three different anime series (Macross, Southern Cross, and Mospeada) edited together to create sixty five episodes so it could be syndicated on US television. This series was successful enough that a movie had to be made to cash in on the fandom and this where this movie started it's amazing failure.

The majority of Robotech's TV footage came from the Macross series and the company promoting a Macross movie did not want to create confusion between the two films. So they were unable to use any Macross footage. Instead footage from Megazone 23 (or Megazone Two Three) OVA (Original Video Animation) and Southern Cross. Resulting in the move looking nothing like the TV series. Then throw in some lazy writing, random quality on the dubbing, and bad editing and you have a depressing trainwreck of a movie.

The movie opens with a text crawl to get people who haven't seen the TV show caught up. In short an alien space ship crash lands on Earth and humans learn how to make transforming vehicles. Other aliens (Zentraedi) show up and a fight that nearly kills all of humanity happens. Then more aliens(The Masters) show up and a fight happens that nearly kills off both sides. Here is the sad part, this is the most sense this stupid movie is going to make.

So the aliens(The Masters) try again to destroy humanity and get back the secrets of making transforming machines. This time they decide use stealth to their technology back and nothing is stealthier than a massive assault over a major city to kidnap people. Luckily for the aliens they find Colonel Evilbastard and make an evil copy of him so they can get their missing technology back.

We then are introduced to Young Protagonist. He has all the charisma of chewed gum and a personality to match. He meets up with his friend Soon Dead to see the motorcycle he stole from the military. The motorcycle is the McGuffin of the movie as it's also a computer and can transform into robot armoured suit. Dead Soon is followed by the military and killed. Our hero takes off with the motorcycle and has it painted another colour. 

And this is where the movie stops caring about making sense and where my notes became a beer coaster. Stuff happens, the McGuffin can and can't be tracked, and Colonel Evilbastard is an evil bastard. As the movie progresses it feels like it is putting in anything to pad out the running time. This includes space battle scenes are so dark and badly edited that it is easy to believe that it is the same side is fighting themselves.

There is no way in hell I can recommend anyone watching this abomination of a movie. It is boring, most Robotech have written this movie off, and the company that holds the rights has never released a DVD or Blu-Ray and possibly never will. There are better things that can be done with life.

Make or Break: Break, hitting the play button.

MVP: There is nothing valuable in this movie. I did try to find something but after three viewings there was nothing.

Score: -2 out of 10

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