Sunday, March 23, 2014

Black Scorpion (1995)

Directed by Jonathan Winfrey
Runtime: 92 minutes

Have you preformed parkour training on rooftops and fought off ten local hoodlums in high heels and still look great? Don't worry, neither have the writers of this movie and any guy who writes comic books. So on to the review of Black Scorpion.

The movie opens with The Lieutenant (IMDb lists the character as Lt. Stan Walker but throughout the movie the character is only ever referred to as The Lieutenant) is telling his daughter Darcy the story about the scorpion and the frog. This is cut short when a call on the police radio alerts The Lieutenant to a high speed pursuit near where he lives. So The Lieutenant tells Darcy to lock the door and go to bed and The Lieutenant goes out to do what the thing he does best being a bad ass cop.

Not only does he get ahead of the pursuit but he has time to have a quick smoke break. He then proceeds to shoot out the criminals tires with his off hand and shoot a eight rounds out of a revolver. This takes out the criminal's car and The Lieutenant had the forethought to call ahead for an ambulance. Unfortunately hospitals are The Lieutenant's kryptonite and everything goes wrong for him. The two criminals he caught feel that a car crash is not enough to slow them down so they steal some near by weapons to start some trouble.

The Lieutenant shoots and kills both criminals. He also shoots a doctor who was being used as a human shield and this act end his career as a bad ass cop. The movie jumps to seventeen years later were we see that Darcy is a cop just like her dad. She is a vice cop in Angel City and trying to arrest a pimp named Easy Street. Before Easy Street can say or do anything criminal, Darcy's partner Michael decides to play the white knight at the wrong time and destroys the investigation. 

Darcy's day gets worse as she has a birthday drink with her father when the district attorney walks into the bar. He take a puff of asthma medication and then opens fire and kills The Lieutenant. When the district attorney is arrested he can't remember anything that happened or why he would want to gun down the Lieutenant. Darcy does not buy the amnesia defence and takes an unloaded firearm into the holding area and has a gunpoint interrogation with the district attorney.

This gets her suspended and motivates her to take up masked vigilantism. So Darcy dresses up as a cross between a scorpion and a dominatrix and starts cleaning up the streets. First she walks into the strip club Easy Street uses to meet and hire new staff and throws him out a window killing him. Then she moves her reign of crime fighting to asthmatic criminals plaguing Angel City. As the Black Scorpion, Darcy fights yet more odd and wacky asthmatic criminals and draws the attention of the police.

After a run with the vice squad, Darcy's 1967 cherry red Stingray gets shot several times. This forces her to see Angus a reformed car thief, a genius with cars and technology, and owner and operator of a local chop shop. When Darcy tells Angus about being the Black Scorpion, Angus fixes her Stingray with stolen military technology that reorganizes matter into whatever you want. In short the Stingray becomes the Batmoblie.

This leads into the third act where the Black Scorpion ambushes Michael and rapes him. The Black Scorpion works out who is behind the wacky asthmatic criminals and Darcy comes to terms with being a vigilante. This causes the cliched final battle and resolution. The End.

Make or Break: What makes this movie for me is the over the top insanity of the characters and their abilities. It give the movie a comic book feel and add to my entertainment. What breaks it for me the the heroin of the movie raping her partner. Sure she feels bad about rapping and tasering him but it is was really unnecessary.

MVT: At one point Darcy throws away the Black Scorpion costume and this homeless guy find the costume in a dumpster. When she comes back to collect the costume and she wants to know why he was picking up the costume. To which he says that he is looking for the woman that goes with it. I thought it was the funniest part of the movie.

Score: 6.75 out of 10

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