Sisters Christine (Ann Michelle) and Betty (Vicki Michelle) are hitching their way
down to London, when they are picked up by the eternally grimacing Johnny (Keith Buckley), who I think has the
appropriate surname of Dicks. Latching
onto Betty like the creep that he is, Johnny warns the girls about the
predatory nature of many employers.
Heedless of this (or is she?), Christine takes an interview with talent
agent and bald-faced lesbian Sybil Waite (Patricia
Haines). Sybil quickly offers
Christine a job and whisks the siblings off to the country manse of Dr. Gerald
Amberly (Neil Hallett). What are the odds that everyone around the
estate is in a coven with plans for the two young birds? Better than you might think (unless you
actually read the title of the film).
If the tactlessly salacious title
and the blunt tagline (“She’ll blow your mind!”) don’t tell you everything you
need to know about it, Ray Austin’s Virgin Witch (aka Lesbian Twins) has some of the most telling opening credits,
possibly in the world. I didn’t actually
count (I’m horrible at multiplication), but I’m fairly confident that every
single still frame used in them has at least one pair of naked breasts in
it. This, in and of itself, isn’t enough
to make one think that what they are watching is single-minded (though it does
make one hell of an argument). No, for
me at least, this comes from the facial expressions of the women in the
credits. They all appear to be having a
right good time, basically glamour shots to kick off a film ostensibly about
the supernatural. So, even with its
title and subject, it’s hammered home early that the entirety of this film’s
conscious raison d’être is titillation (but as we all know, I’m a killjoy who
can rarely enjoy these things only on a surface level). Unfortunately, by the end credits, I was
experiencing niedosyt.
On the skin end of the spectrum,
the filmmakers don’t simply throw it up on the screen despite their often
brazen approach. They want the audience
to feel like they’re participants and maybe even feel a little sleazy for being
so (unless, you know, that’s a turn-on for you). As Peter (James Chase) takes photos of Christine in various states of
undress, the film’s camera acts as a camera shutter, closing and opening an
iris (the iris being a visual motif and transitional device going all the way
back to the Silent Era of film). While Gerald
watches Betty take a bath through a peephole, a fisheye lens is employed (and
frankly, something I’m surprised they didn’t use more of; the lens, not the
voyeurism) as he and we ogle. We get
extreme closeups of female mouths talking to each other. During a scene where Johnny makes a phonecall
from Sybil’s office, we get odd-seeming cutaways to various beaver shots around
the room (this does pay off, but they are edited with no indication of
foreshadowing; something which is both frustrating and refreshing in its
jarringness). Austin’ s camera literally leers over every inch of feminine skin
it can, dwelling on nipples and derrieres, as if no one has ever seen them before
(maybe the teens who watched the film back in the day didn’t, but I’m pretty
sure that these days most kids have seen hardcore porn by the age of
five). It’s Sexploitation, yes, but the
intent feels aggressive toward its subjects making for some slight
unpleasantness. Consequently, after the
first few onscreen nude bodies, they tend to lose much of their allure, partly
because of the tone, partly because of their persistent presence. It’s a bit like getting used to new
wallpaper; after a while, it’s simply background.
I don’t know much about
witchcraft (okay, outside of cinematic witchcraft, I know nothing), but
Gerald’s coven is, at its core, a kyriarchy with the rituals being about some
form of freedom on their surface only.
Nevertheless, the metaphorical sacrifices serve a dual purpose. On the one hand, they are intended to release
the inner sex drive and inculcate new recruits into the group. This is why there are things like a hidden
inner sanctum in the first place. For
the chaste, this is a symbol of their sexual awakening. There is a value placed on virginity in the
coven, though when everything is stripped away (pardon the pun), all of this is
simply a way for flabby, old lechers to bang tight, young girls. This reflects the other purpose of the
rituals. They are, in some sense, a
corruption of the virginal (read: pure).
As the ceremony is carried out, the subject is put under a spell, and
they cannot completely control their actions or what happens to them (there is
some aspect of this that is playacting for the sake of the rite, to be sure). Though they may have volunteered to join the
coven initially, once things get to this point, it can be argued that it
becomes tantamount to rape. This is
reinforced immediately after the film’s final rite in a scene between Johnny
and Betty which feels disingenuously facile and outright perplexing in its
conclusion.
The film is loaded with themes of
desire and, much more importantly, jealousy arising from same. Every single major character (with the
possible exception of Betty) is desirous of another one or what they have. Johnny wants Betty. Peter wants Christine. Sybil also wants Christine. Gerald wants anything he can get. Sybil is jealous of Gerald, because he has
sex with Christine. She is also jealous
of Peter, because Christine is attracted to him. In her homosexuality, Sybil is somewhat
outside the norm of the coven, even though there is no indication that they
would be against Sapphic relations.
Sybil is never allowed to consummate with anyone (onscreen; there is the
implication that she spent a night with Christine, but it’s also implied that
she didn’t from the tentative way she acts the next morning). Christine, on the other hand, is desirous
only for power. She does not conduct
herself as being genuinely attracted to anyone sexually. If anything, she is a master manipulator,
playing the part of the innocent coquette.
Interestingly, this is played out in the relationship between the
sisters. Christine has the power of mind
control, and this makes Betty uncomfortable.
Betty avoids her sister’s gaze, but she is still influenced by Christine
because she is the younger of the two, and this is the natural order we
expect. Ultimately, Christine uses Betty
to get exactly what she wants, and she doesn’t display even the slightest
compunction about doing so, making her something of a sociopath. What’s a real kick in the ass is that what
she has been striving for throughout the film doesn’t feel worth the effort in
the slightest. Combined with its total
lack of tension, conflict, or emotional involvement, it gives Virgin Witch the distinct air of “who
gives a fuck?” I know I didn’t.
MVT: The Michelle sisters are charming for what
they’re allowed to do. It also doesn’t
hurt that they’re easy on the eye. But
every second they are offscreen is a slog, and the time they are onscreen really
isn’t much more of a picnic.
Make Or Break: The second
ceremony is skanky in the extreme, and how it finally plays out is - there’s no
other word for it – dumb.
Score: 4/10
