Just recently,
the ruins of a temple were discovered at the El Paraíso site in Peru, and they
are estimated to be about five thousand years old. This is no real great shakes, since (to my
knowledge) Peru is rife with ancient ruins (no offense to any Peruvians who may
be reading). What this story does do,
however, is brings up the idea that archaeology is still important in this
modern world. In an era when we have (or
think we have) all this knowledge at the touch of a button (and we won’t get
into a discussion about the unreliability of information on the internet this
time around), there are still people kneeling under the hot sun, slowly
scraping bits of dirt from long-forgotten relics of dead civilizations in the
pursuit of some insight into how we became what we are.
Real
archaeologists toil away at tasks which are almost the equivalent of trying to
empty the ocean with a teaspoon, yet in films, this tedious, nigh-thankless
profession is romanticized to an insane degree.
When cinematic relic-diggers aren’t raiding lost arks or going on wild
crusades, they are excavating ancient monsters that revive, and only their quick
wits and iron wherewithal can return these beasties to their graves. Naturally, we can argue that just about every
profession can be (and probably has been) glamorized on film to some degree,
and I’m sure that, while real archaeologists love the attention films like Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom
bring to their avocation, they’re also sick to death of having to answer
questions from goofs in regards to the existence and “actual” properties of
quasi-mystical objects. Then again, I’m
not an archaeologist, so maybe they’re not.
Phillip (Mark Gil) and Isabel (Dang Cecilio) are archaeologists who have just uncovered a remarkably
pristine temple in the side of a mountain.
As the men peregrinate around, Isabel is drawn to a secret room, inside
which is a large sarcophagus. As she
paces closer to the tomb, a pair of large rubber snakes appear from inside,
scaring the bejeezus out of the poor lady.
When the men investigate, however, the tomb is empty. Meanwhile, a bunch of dead bodies are found
outside the site with lethal amounts of venom in them. Soon thereafter, the eponymous Zuma (Max Laurel, who looks vaguely like Milton Reid of Dr. Phibes Rises Again fame) stalks the
streets of the Philippines, hungering for the hearts of virgin women.
It would seem
that I have inadvertently been on a bit of a comic book adaptation jag as of
late, because Jun Raquiza’s Zuma (aka Jim Fernandez’s Zuma) is yet another
one. One thing which I have seen far
more of from countries other than the United States is a predilection for comic
book stories centering on characters that could just as easily be called
villains as anti-heroes. This is no
exception. Zuma is the son of the Mayan
god Kukulkan, the feathered serpent, and his whole schtick is violating and
killing female virgins. Early on in the
film, he rapes Galela (Raquel Montesa) while her boyfriend Joseph (Mark Joseph) is bitten to death by cobras. Galela then becomes the thrall of Zuma (sort
of like a distaff Renfield), trapping women for him to kill. Zuma resembles a Filipino version of the
Incredible Hulk with a double-headed snake growing out of the back of his
neck. But unlike the Hulk, who would
typically do some good intentionally or not, Zuma’s purpose is to rack up
virgin corpses to “fulfill the rituals of his faith,” though to what end the
audience is never privy. We would expect
some attempt to humanize Zuma (even Diabolik had Eva Kant), but he’s little
more than animated brute force, although I would be hesitant to call him an
elemental force. Even after Zuma’s
daughter Galema (Snooky Serna, who, God help me, actually looks a little bit
like Snooki Polizzi) turns up, Zuma would kill her as soon as have her live
with him. Like Rawhead Rex and other
reborn Elder Gods, Zuma’s needs are not human, ergo his actions are never other
than inhumane.
Sex plays a
large part in the film, yet its treatment is quasi-puritanical. The characters that have sex in the film are
never shown naked having sex.
Nevertheless, the women who become Zuma’s prey often have their tops
ripped off for a cheap tit thrill. It’s
incongruous, but interesting to note that nudity is only depicted in regards to
violent acts against women. The image of
a snake is phallocentric to begin with, and the fact that Zuma has two rather
large snake heads hanging off his shoulders is telling. What’s more, his snakes are usually alert and
pointing straight out, an indication of tumescence and the faint notion that
Zuma’s actions are guided by his loins (and being the scion of a “War Serpent”
only adds to the idea of violence making up for sexual inadequacies). Galema also has snakes like her father
(cleverly woven into her pigtails), but she has trouble controlling them. Her life has been dictated by the influence
of these phallic appendages, and they have kept her docile up until her nineteenth
birthday. She is also a virgin, but it’s
through the love of Morgan the young soldier (Rey Abellana) that she will become their master. So, even in its strongest female character,
the film is controlled by male influences and all that that entails.
But for as much
insanity as Raquiza and company put onscreen, Zuma is a bit of a slog from a pacing standpoint. At over two hours and ten minutes long, there
is a ton of fat that could have (and should have) been trimmed. Whole sequences pass by where characters
literally do absolutely nothing and then suddenly act. My best guess is that this is the result of
its comic book origins, because the plot feels much less like one story than it
does a stringing together of multiple episodes with one set of credits on
either end. As soon as any part of a
story (I won’t say “the” story, due to the variegated nature at play here) gets
interesting, the film’s gears are swiftly shifted (you can almost hear the
filmmakers grindin’ ‘em ‘til they’re findin’ ‘em), and the audience is back at
square one. All well and good, but with
each shift, there is a new set-up and build up, and it makes the going
difficult. Add to all of this, a deus ex
machina that makes practically everything that came before irrelevant, and you
have one hot mess of a film. All of that
said, I still found myself liking this movie, largely because it is so much
larger than life and so incomprehensible.
It’s like examining a car crash photo and not quite being able to make
out what exactly you’re looking at. But
you just can’t stop yourself from staring, can you?
MVT: As Forrest Gump might say, “Zuma is as Zuma
does.” Let’s face it; if Zuma wasn’t as
visually bizarre as he is, it would be tough justifying watching all two-plus hours
of this film. A giant green man, in a
shiny red loincloth, with giant snakes on his shoulders? Color me intrigued.
Make Or Break: The Make is the scene where Zuma has his way
with Galela. It’s outlandish on its
face, but it also manages to be sleazy and creepy, and it depicts the sort of
menace Zuma could have been throughout the film but never fully is.
Score: 6.25/10
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