Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Black Magic (1975)

I am thick as a brick.  Truly.  Not physically, mind you (that’s a little more gelatinous, I think).  But when it comes to relationships, subtlety just goes right out the window.  I don’t turn into the Wolf from Tex Avery’s Red Hot Riding Hood or anything.  That’s not what I mean.  What I mean is I have no idea when a woman is actually interested in me (boo hoo).  Signs are not something I’m good at reading in this capacity.  For me to get the picture, I need to be all but bludgeoned over the head (and maybe even dragged back to a cave by my hair).  The more I think back on it, this density has caused me to miss out on several romantic opportunities.  I think it’s partly from trepidation over not wanting to misread a woman’s intent.  The other part comes from the nebulous nature of romantic signals to begin with (this may not apply to you, but we’re not talking about you, are we?) and my own internal, bastard logic which forces me to consider as many possibilities as I can without acting on any of them.  Maybe it’s a fear of commitment?  Conversely, this inability to make out the metaphorical Speed Limit signs on the road of love has allowed me to make a pure and utter ass of myself on more occasions than I’d like to admit where the objects of my affection didn’t reciprocate in the slightest (I’m sure more than a few of you will back me up on this one).  I suppose there’s some cold comfort in the thought that ignorance is bliss, though.  And if nothing else can be said about the characters in Ho Meng-Hua’s Black Magic (aka Jiang Tou), it’s that they are conceivably even less able to take a hint than I.

The film opens with a statement, part of which opines that, “according to Zuo Zhuan, excessive sex can have a similar effect as being under a spell.”  Okay.  Next thing we know, some lady is asking sorcerer Sha Jianmai (Ku Feng) to kill her philandering husband and his paramour.  Afterward, nice sorcerer Furong (Ku Wen-Chung) performs a ritual that destroys Sha’s hut and injures him badly (if temporarily, of course).  Some time later, Xu Nuo (Ti Lung) is sexually harassed at his construction job by Miss Yuo Lin (Tien Ni), though his heart belongs to fiancée Quming (Lily Li).  After Jiajie (Lo Lieh) uses Sha’s magic to bed Yuo Lin (are you getting all this?), she gets a crazy idea.  Go ahead.  Guess.

I can think of very few, if any, films with magic as a central element which aren’t about sex, death, or both, and Meng-Hua’s film is no different (we could even argue damn near every story ever written is the same in this regard, but we have limited space).  Jiajie wants to have sex with Yuo Lin, Lin wants to have sex with Xu, and Sha eventually wants to have sex with Lin, too.  Of course, when the sex component doesn’t work out as planned, the death component kicks in.  Either way, it appears as little more than just wanting to have sex with a person or have them killed.  But what it actually boils down to is control.  The sex and murder are nothing more than the ultimate statement of this desire for control over another person.  Yet, this control is incomplete, because what they get from their objects of desire has nothing to do with actual love.  Since the love spell cast on these people is only expressed through sex, their relationships are more akin to hooker and trick than to real lovers.  For the love they desire to mean anything, it must be given freely, of course.  Since it’s not, it’s not much more than being in love with a blow-up doll (or whatever your favorite marital aid is).  In other words, the love remains unrequited.  Only the physical end is satisfied, and even that’s debatable, depending on your opinion about whether sex is more a physical or mental/emotional act.

Reinforcing the idea of characters losing control of themselves and their lives are the film’s plentiful gross-out elements.  Coconut milk contains blood and tiny worms.  Worms infest a character’s body and have to be drawn out through a bamboo shoot.  Body parts are hacked up and allowed to decay, becoming maggot-riddled.  Grue-caked dead animals are hung outside houses.  These are corrupting elements, and they eliminate free will, because they are directly linked in with the characters’ blood.  In fact, Sha needs blood in order to perform his spells.  That their blood is stolen in the first place for this purpose is already a violation we don’t normally think of, since we rarely consider our blood unless we get cut open.  Yet, it is arguably the most intimate part of our bodies (along with semen; thus, death and sex), and it literally carries our life in itself, thus linking it into our innermost beings, our personalities, our souls, whatever you’d care to call them.  The decay, the worms, all of the elements of Sha’s black magic are indicators of corruption.  It’s not quite enough that a person’s mind is taken over.  No, they are corrupted at a core level, since they are unwilling in their actions (a case could likely be made for rape).  

Still and all, once their original personalities return, the characters are basically allowed to return to exactly the way things were before anything happened (or at the very least, we are left with this impression and no definitive proof to the contrary).  This, however, is more a choice of the filmmakers and something we more or less expect from Genre films from Hong Kong in this era.  They rarely, if ever, have a denouement of any type, the big climax being the final statement of so very many Shaw Bros films.  Though this is something I have grown to like about these movies, this particular film is actually kind of dull, all things considered.  There are exploitative elements aplenty, but the characters are all one-note in the extreme (a “B-Flat,” I think), the plot is a revolving door of people getting put under spells, doing their business, and coming out of their spells.  Possibly worst of all, the film looks flat.  The Malaysian settings are completely under-utilized and shot as if Meng-Hua were filming an Industrial short for Pan-Am.  The salacious aspects just didn’t make up for the drudgery of the majority of the film’s runtime.  It’s not bad enough to give it a thumbs down, though.  More like a thumbs sideways.

MVT:  The gross-out moments are the main attraction, and they do the job of being stomach-turning, because they use a lot of very real, wiggly worms, and this gives them a nice, visceral impact.  If only the rest of the film were as engaging on a gut level.

Make Or Break:  The scene where the worms have to be removed from a character’s back really hits the spot.  Without seeing it for yourself, there’s really not much else I can elaborate on, is there?

Score:  6/10

Monday, October 28, 2013

Manborg (2011)

Director: Steven Kostanski

Runtime: 76 minutes.

I do not get nostalgic about the past often but this movie makes me miss the video rental place I used to frequent in the late 80's and early 90's. Because this is the kind of movie I would have rented repeatedly from them. It alsois one of those movies I can come back to years later and not wonder what was wrong with me when I was a child. So with less rambling here is a spoiler free review of Manborg.

The movie opens with a squad of soldiers providing covering fire for civilians fleeing the demonic army. Our hero Man is severing in the same squad as his brother the Sarge. The squad is able to hold of the demon troops and even kill one or two of them until Draculon leader of the demon army shows up. Then the squad starts taking loses leaving only Man left alive in the squad. So Man charges Draculon, against his brother's orders and manges to hold his own with a empty rifle. Man's brave attack is no match for Draculon's evil and Man is deafeated and killed by Draculon's forces.

Man's body is dragged away as the opening credits start. While the opening credits roll the stop motion montage shows how Man becomes Manborg. Many years later Manborg awakens and unsure as to who he is or where he is. So he decides to wander around and get a good look at the dystopian hell on Earth. This takes him right into the path of #1 Man, a skilled martial artist and one time trainer of hell's armies. However Manborg's reluctance to fight the demon forces and Shadow Mega gets both Manborg and #1 Man captured and taken to demon's base.

At the base prison we are introduced to the brother and sister duo of Justice and Mina. Justice is an annoying gun fighter and Mina is the arena's favorite knife welding darling. We are also introduced to the Baron, the demon who runs the base and behaves like a lovesick moron around Mina. But this is boring so let's dump the main characters in a gladiatorial arena.

In the arena, #1 Man, Justice and Mina show off why they have lived this long by wiping out most of the demon gladiators. Manborg however is still learning how to use his new body and nearly shoots Mina. After the arena fight #1 Man, Justice and Mina turn their backs on Manborg. To make things worse Manborg is sent to fight the ultimate killing machine in the arena. After an impressive battle, meeting Doctor Scorpius and getting a future tape, Manborg frees the other main characters from the prision.

The four heroes escape to wastelands just outside the city. While in the wastelands, Manborg learns more about himself and we have the mandatory training montage for the third act fight. The third act resolution and epic battle is just pure awesome. The follow up extended trailer Biocop, every cop movie cliche is happening around a cop who is unstoppable biological nightmare. Also watch the text crawl at the end of the movie. It is the funniest international copyright warning you will ever read.

MVT: The effective use of practical and computer generated effects.

Make or Break: The make for me is the scene in the wastelands. The character Justice is talking about the mutants wandering around and he talks about "a man with a cabbage for a head". The break for me was the character Justice. I just found him annoying.

Score: 8.9 out of  10

Episode #259: Fright Night Double Deuce

Welcome to a very, very special episode of the GGtMC!!!

This week Large William and Sammy are joined by two of the inspirations behind our show and two very good friends from our past!!! Two podcasting giants if you will...the return of F13 and DZ, the team behind the amazing podcast Cinema Diabolica. This was a real treat and an honor for the GGtMC boys!!!

We cover Fright Night (1985) directed by Tom Holland and Fright Night 2 (1988) directed by Tommy Lee Wallace!!! This was a very jovial and deep converation on two films from our youth...we hope you enjoy!!!

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Midnite Ride #16: The Dead

Large William reviews The Dead (2010) directed by Howard J. Ford and jonathan Ford!!!

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Midnite Ride #15: The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism

Large William reviews The Torture Chamber of Dr. Sadism (1967) directed by Harald Reinl!!!

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Midnite Ride #14: Sauna

Large William reviews Sauna (2008) directed by Antti-Jussi Annila!!!

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Sunday, October 27, 2013

Midnite Ride #13: Spiral

Large William reviews Spiral (2007) directed by Adam Green and Joel David Moore!!!

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Midnite Ride #12: The Children (2008)

Large William reviews The Children (2012) directed by Tom Shankland!!!

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Midnite Ride #11: The Nightcomers

Large William reviews The Nightcomers (1971) directed by Michael Winner!!!

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Friday, October 25, 2013

Midnite Ride #10: The Black Cat (1934)

Large William reviews The Black Cat (1934) directed by Edgar G. Ulmer!!!

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Midnite Ride #9: The Asphyx

Large William reviews The Asphyx (1973) directed by Peter Newbrook!!!

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Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Seven Beauties (1975)

**I think there will be SPOILERS in this one.  You’ve been warned.**

Pasqualino Porfuso (Giancarlo Giannini) is a Neapolitan gadabout.  Given the nickname Settebellezze (aka Seven Beauties) because he is a smash with the ladies despite his perpetual sad-eyed looks, he is primarily occupied with the honor of his sisters and the respect of his fellow man.  Events transpire which force Pasqualino to join the Italian army under fascist leader Benito Mussolini, but the man still looks out only for himself.  Eventually Pasqualino finds himself holed up in a prison camp, where he will find the true measure of his character.

Lina Wertmüller’s film opens with a montage of stock footage from World War Two.  Over this, there is a semi-beat-poet-esque voiceover condemning every single person or institution who allowed Mussolini and the fascists to take power and who then conspired with the Nazis to commit crimes against humanity.  The filmmaker’s perspective is forceful and clear.  This is not going to be a balanced back and forth of ideas.  Thus, we get the character of Pasqualino, who is intended as a fairly typical Italian of the time.  He goes on and on about honor and respect.  He carries a gun, because he’s not physically imposing.  He doesn’t care about the war, and he doesn’t want to be a part of it.  He wants to get laid, get paid, and go about his daily routine.  Because he pays no mind to the struggle occurring outside his world view, and focuses only on his capitalist desires, he is guilty of indifference, and he will be punished for this.  He abrogates actual responsibility whenever he can to the point that he pleads insanity to avoid a death sentence.

For how much time and effort Pasqualino expends going on about honor and respect, he understands the concepts only on a surface level.  He is all about appearances, and he is constantly preening in front mirrors.  Much of the time before his life takes a nosedive, Pasqualino is photographed in an iconic fashion.  He considers himself a big man in Naples, so he is often shot from lower angles, aggrandizing him.  Later, he will be shot largely from high angles, making him a lowly figure.  He doesn’t want his sisters to go out with men who he feels are using them for sex, though his sisters understand that they are doing what needs to be done to get by.  By the film’s end, he will ask the innocent young lady (Francesca Marciano) whom he charmed earlier if she whored herself out to survive.  When she says “yes,” Pasqualino says that this is good, because he now understands the cost of survival which is meaningful versus the cost of his personal honor and respect, which is considered meaningless, especially during wartime.  He has been taught this lesson in the prison camp, where he seduced the repellant commandant (Shirley Stoler) in order to avoid execution (again) and get some food.  Afterward, she tells him, “your thirst for life disgusts me,” essentially hammering home the central idea of the film that it’s better to die on one’s feet than to live on one’s knees.  Of course, Pasqualino’s whoredom comes at an even greater cost, because after he is named barracks leader, he is forced to choose six people to be killed, otherwise the whole barracks will be.  Naturally, he makes the choices almost at random, reinforcing his complicity through his indifference and self-involvement.    

Settebellezze kills two men directly during the runtime, and both of these instances revolve around, once more, concepts of honor and respect.  The first time, Pasqualino shoots his sister’s boyfriend/pimp/whatever Eighteen Karat Potono (Mario Conti) to regain his family’s honor.  However, the shooting occurs by accident, as Pasqualino thinks Potono is going for a gun.  Afterward, he is stunned that this happened at all, an indication that he’s all sizzle, no steak.  Later, he shoots his friend Francesco (Piero Di Iorio), execution-style while in the prison camp.  Francesco begs his friend to free him from the misery he can no longer endure.  This is Pasqualino’s final lesson on the truth of honor and respect, because he finally commits this act deliberately, and it tears at him.  He honors his friend and respects him enough to be the one to take his life, rather than letting the Nazis do it.    

Before Porfuso becomes a Nazi sympathizer, however, he first  has to become a mental patient.  On trial for killing Potono, Pasqualino is told by his lawyer that if he pleads insanity, he’ll go to a hospital rather than prison.  Being a man of pride, Pasqualino refuses, but his lawyer advises, “It’s your honor or your life.”  Once in the hospital, Settebellezze manages to gain an orderly position in the women’s ward, surrounding himself with the things he likes most (even if they are insane).  However, he crosses the line (and it can be argued that this is the tipping point to his downfall) when he discovers a patient in restraints.  He peeks under her gown, gropes her body, and inevitably rapes her after taping her mouth closed.  The whole time, he tries to convince her that she loves it, because he’s Settebellezze and such a grand lover.  The patient disagrees vehemently.  

After several subsequent shock treatment sessions, Pasqualino decides that maybe the army is just a little better than the asylum.  In actuality, they are merely exchanging one form of insanity for another.  When his journey is concluded, Pasqualino stares at himself in the mirror one last time (at least for the last time we will witness).  His hair is no longer slicked back but now a scraggly mess.  His expression is still hangdog but now his face is a mask of weariness rather than charm.  When consoled with the fact that at least he’s alive, he agrees, “Yes, I’m alive.”  But his eyes peer out from his reflection in Direct Address to the audience.  Because after all, we’re still alive, too.  It is not merely a condemnation of those who allowed the atrocities of World War Two to occur.  It is a cautionary warning to those watching to never let it happen again.  Whether we have actually learned this lesson, I shall leave up to you, the reader.

MVT:  Giannini carries the weight of the film on his shoulders, and he does it marvelously.  He glides easily between charming and scummy, proud and ashamed.  He garners sympathy for his plight, even though we know beforehand where he will wind up and most likely what will happen to him (in general) on the way down.  He maintains a strong sense of humanity even when performing inhumane actions.

Make Or Break:  Pasqualino’s trial scene is brilliantly shot and edited.  With not one word of dialogue being spoken, we understand everything that he has done and is about to do.  We see Don Raffaele (Enzo Vitale) at whose request he pleaded insanity.  We see his sisters, now all dyed platinum blonde to attract men in order to make it through the hard times.  We see the young woman, the final piece of innocence about to be lost and the only one present who sheds a tear for the man.  It’s masterful filmmaking and perhaps moreso because you almost don’t realize how unorthodox it is.

Score:  7/10 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Episode #258: Blacker Than Revenge

Welcome to another spine tingling episode of the GGtMC!!!

THis week Sammy and Will tackle Blacker Than the Night (1975) dorected by Carlos Enrique Taboada and J.D.'s Revenge (1976) directed by Arthur Marks!!! We bring our own little charms to these two films and we hope you enjoy the episode!!!

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Midnite Ride #8: The Road (2011)

Large William reviews The Road (2011) directed by Yam Laranas!!!

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Saturday, October 19, 2013

Instant Action: 'A' gai wak (Project A, 1983)

So much action that there's no need for a story, but oh, is there a story!

Written By: Jackie Chan & Edward Tang
Directed By: Jackie Chan & Sammo Hung Kam-Bo

Action can, at times, beget some problems. One of those problems is when an action film feels the need to force a story where one is not needed. Don't get me wrong, there are times when an action film can use its action to tell its story (think Dredd or Wo hu cang long), and there are times when an action film can have a great story right alongside its action (see Haywire or Gladiator). However, too many times great action films are lessened because of a desire to add in a waifish story. 'A' gai wak is a splendid action film, but the story that it surrounds said action with is paltry, stupid, and ultimately not needed.

I've never claimed to be well versed in the worlds of action films or an expert on Hong Kong cinema. That being said, in the few films that combine both of those factors I have noticed a problem with the handling of story. Sometimes action is all that is needed, and 'A' gai wak is an example of a film where its action is enough to make any cinephile happy. I don't know the reasons behind 'A' gai wak's lame story, but it exists and it adds nothing to the film. It detracts from the film, and took the focus off of the excellent martial arts action. As I explore more Hong Kong action I'm hoping that either the stories will get better or story will be dropped in favor of action.

Even with the detrimental story 'A' gai wak ends up a damn fine film. The reason for that is simple, its action is supremely well choreographed. There's an energetic immediacy to the action and a display of physical object use that dazzles the eye. It's one thing to see Jackie Chan duke it out with incredible martial arts skill. It's another thing entirely to watch Xiānshēng Chan use a bicycle to hit a water dish in the face of one of his foes. There's an understanding of where objects are in 'A' gai wak that makes for an interesting watch. Dissecting action scenes is always something I have fun doing, but I had a giddy grin on my face when trying to discern the various ways that the actors in 'A' gai wak made use of the physical objects around them.

Xiānshēng Chan is an actor whose work I have seen in the past. To be perfectly honest I was never a fan of Xiānshēng Chan. Looking back now I see some impetuous youth on my part, as I watched one film that left a bad taste in my mouth and that led me to harsh views of all the Xiānshēng Chan films I watched. I'm glad I took some time away from the man, 'A' gai wak is the first Jackie Chan film I've seen in around ten years (Not counting The Karate Kid). Removed from my initial experience all those years ago I see a true artist at work in Xiānshēng Chan. He is acrobatic, has great comedic timing, has a physicality I appreciated, and is clearly giving it his all in every second of 'A' gai wak. The same could be said of Sammo Hung Kam-Bo, but this is the first film of his I have seen so I'm reserving any declarative statements on his ability until I have seen more of his work.

The story in 'A' gai wak is atrocious, but it's balanced out by the energetic and inventive action. The fact that I described the story as atrocious and yet still say that the action balanced it out should tell you how highly I think of the action on display in 'A' gai wak. It could have been a great film, but the story does hold 'A' gai wak back from reaching such a high mark. As it stands 'A' gai wak is a decent film with fantastic action. Most importantly it's put me on the path of seeing more from Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung Kam-Bo. Taking the abysmal story into account that's one heck of a ringing endorsement for the action and the entertainment those two men are capable of providing. 'A' gai wak is fun, and the action thrills, but that story, oh man, that story.



Bill Thompson

Midnite Ride #7: Alucarda

Large William reviews Alucarda (1977) directed by Juan Lopez Moctezuma!!!

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Midnite Ride #6: Mad Love

Large William reviews Mad Love (1935) directed by Karl Freund!!!

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Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Forgotten Warrior (1986)

Steve Parrish (Ronald Marchini) is held in a “South East Asian” POW camp circa 1974 (the mind boggles at the possibilities of the actual location, huh?) along with two fellow soldiers.  After a “daring” escape, the three make it into the bush, where Major Thompson (Quincy Frazer) suddenly turns on his comrades, kills their Colonel (Mike Monty), and shoots Steve, allowing his body to fall into a nearby river and thus leaving him for dead.  But Steve’s wounded body is dredged out of the water by a village of nice people.  Will he live?  Will he find love?  Will he do something awesome to stop the unnamed Communist forces threatening to destroy his new way of life?  And what of Major Thompson?  Can he move on from the fact that one of his victims got away?  You’re dying to know, aren’t you?

Forgotten Warrior (aka Commander Rainbow aka The Forgotten Soldier) is credited to co-directors Nick Cacas and Charlie Ordoñez and it hails from the Philippines, land of cheap movie productions and wild-eyed cinematic knockoffs.  And like so many films from this region, especially at this time, it is more concerned with being an Action movie highlight reel rather than telling a story, developing its characters, or making any sense whatsoever.  This is not to say that it has nothing going on, nor does it mean that it’s horrendous.  The action is plentiful, and it’s even mildly well-executed from time to time.  Marchini seems versed in Martial Arts, giving the fight choreography a stronger-than-average sense of physicality and verisimilitude, even if the rest of the film is pretty much untethered from reality entirely.  

Films like this have a real knack for sentimentality, and it is borne of a certain naiveté, which simultaneously both charming and risible.  Characters will make the most adolescent observations and then regard each other like John Bender’s impression of Brian Johnson’s family in The Breakfast Club.  This leads to a level of overwrought mawkishness when people close to the characters are harmed.  Everything done by the characters is meant to have deep spiritual meaning, but it’s so staged, it becomes pageantry in service of manipulating emotions we don’t share with these characters, because we’ve been given nothing about any of them other than their stereotypically broadest facets.  Of course, the revenge aspects work well enough (they always do, because the villains are so stereotypically malefic, we want them dead more than we are bored with the protagonists’ non-personalities), and this provides the opening to one of the more interesting pieces of this movie.

After Steve takes up life in the village, he begins to train the villagers, particularly love interest Maila’s (Marilyn Bautista) brother (who may or may not have been named “Van” and may or may not have been played by Sonny Villanueva) in the art of guerilla warfare and the proper deployment of military weaponry.  This is all in service of giving the villagers the means to defend themselves from the bad guys, at least ostensibly.  This idea that one man (an Anglo, at that) can change the villagers from scared victims into fearless fighters is a classic of the genre.  Yet, the villagers are largely incompetent at playing soldiers, and all of Steve’s efforts cannot change this.  So, we get this dichotomy between the shared fight against the Commie evildoers and the One-Man-Army who can wipe out scores of enemy combatants with little more than a Bowie knife and a thin bandana.  And while I’m at it, in what world would any soldier with half a brain wear a banana yellow muscle shirt into covert jungle actions?  Apparently, this guy, and while the rational portion of your brain struggles with such idiocy, the mirthful portion cannot help jumping for joy.  Back to the point, because the villagers cannot pick up what Steve is putting down, he attains a superiority to them which is messianic and just a little insulting.  But what this also does is marks Steve as being an outsider defined by his military background.  He cannot live in the village, and he cannot change the village to suit him.  If you’re looking for it, it provides an interesting point on the effects of war on people at a core level.  

Of course, this is nothing new.  Ex-soldier Action Heroes are almost exclusively delineated by their struggle to put violence behind them and move on.  Nevertheless, violence forever follows these people, because they are intrinsically men (and women) of violence.  The sins of their pasts follow them, drag them down in the present, like the protagonists of a great many Films Noir, their destinies are inextricably linked in with their origins.  Steve has moved past Thompson’s betrayal.  He has found a certain harmony in his new life, despite his further dalliances with violence (because they serve a greater good).  So, Thompson’s return to finish what he started is Steve’s fate catching up with him.  It doesn’t matter if Steve was on the side of right or wrong when he was initially wounded.  He was associated with the ranks of the murderous, so his karma dictates that savagery lies in his future.  

By that same token, Thompson and his associates are not only sadists but rapists as well.  They revel in the most repellant characteristics of base human behavior, and they are classic Ugly Americans.  In fact, no characters from outside the village bring anything with them other than devastation, and this includes Steve, who we expect to be the village’s savior.  It’s this sort of unconventionality that endears films like this one to us, even if it’s only a little bit.  There is a level of rule-breaking that gives these films an unpredictability despite their largely clichéd plots.  Naturally, this doesn’t always work for the betterment of a film, and often times the end result is an absolute mess.  But even in otherwise massive piles of crap, there are usually at least a couple of small diamonds to be found.  Not enough to make a viewer rich (or enriched) but enough to cast a small amount of light and distract the audience, leaving them with feelings more pleasant than unpleasant.

MVT:  The best thing in this film is the unrealistic behavior of the characters.  At any given time, they are maudlin, bloodthirsty, or overjoyed.  Every action and reaction is cranked up to eleven.  And while not reaching the level of hysterics of something like Strike Commando, Forgotten Warrior has nothing to be shy about either.

Make Or Break:  There’s a hilariously po-faced scene involving Steve and Maila staring up at a very fake rainbow and pontificating on its meaning.  It is stunningly priceless in its earnestness and total lack of anything even remotely resembling subtlety.  This scene alone should be exalted in the Trash Cinema Hall of Fame.

Score:  6/10